Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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