Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
