I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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