This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
