Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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