I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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