yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
