let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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