I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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