why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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