I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
