i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
