I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
