i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
