I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
