I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
