i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
