So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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