I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
