First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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