We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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