well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
