the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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