I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
