She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
