if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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