there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
