Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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