someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
