Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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