My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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