You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
