I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
