Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
