dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
