I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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