The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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