So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
