I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
