Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
They took my balls.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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