So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
