She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
