So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
should my penis look like a turkey
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
