i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
