no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize