so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
