Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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