I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
