I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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