Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
