I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
