Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
