you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
