Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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