he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
