She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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