She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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