Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
