Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
