It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
