i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
