Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
