Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
