Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
