he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
