guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
