When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he thought i was a dude.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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