so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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