I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You can't special order awesome
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
