When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
