...so i touched it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
