the condom got lost in my hair
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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