He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
