explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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