the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
