Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
