i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
